For the Simple Life

Here are five results social media can have on your relationship suggested by some professional marriage counselling therapists. You decide if social media helps or hurts.

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Here are some negative results of social media.

1. Social media can make your partner feel replaced.

For example, what is the first thing you do in the morning? Do you reach for your phone to see what notifications you have? Or do you roll over and give your partner a kiss? Does your partner wake up to you cuddled with your phone? Or look at it from the other perspective. Do you ever see that behaviour in your partner? How does it make you feel? From personal experience, I can tell you it makes me feel upset. We all want to be number one in someone else’s life. We want to feel special and loved. But at the same time, to receive, we must give. If you want that attention from your partner, show that attention to him or her. Do you pull out your phone in the middle of dinner, laugh at a text, then put it back on the table? You are showing that whatever is going on in your mobile world is more important than what is happening in the real world. Your partner is going to feel replaced if you don’t prioritise your time with your partner first and with social media second.

2. Your partner can feel left out of the loop if you post things without telling them first.

Your partner thinks he or she is the most important in your life, as he or she should be. She has been thinking about you all day as you go to take your big test. Then, she doesn’t receive a phone call that says “Sweetie, I passed.” She scrolls through her news feed and sees a post with your exam grade. That is a hard blow to take. Personally, I have a friend who is a stay-at-home mum. Her husband works up to ten or twelve hours a day both in a job and finishing school. All the time, I see her post updates about their son and tag her husband in them. For example, “Bobby figured out how to climb out of the crib today.” And the husband sometimes comments things like “Wow! I didn’t know he could do that.” “That will cause a lot of trouble for us now.” Things like that should be something she tells her husband when he gets home. They should have their little celebrations of their child's milestones together, not with the whole world watching. Always talk to your partner first.

3. Social media can cause misconceptions.

What does that mean? Let’s say you like a photo of some guy then comment on another photo as you scroll down your newsfeed. No big you. But then your partner sees that you have liked or commented on a few photos of the same person. To them, it may seem like a big deal. Maybe you occasionally message someone on Facebook. You are not really that close, but your partner begins to wonder. While you might not normally converse with said the person that much in real life, social media makes it easier to talk more with people than you might usually. It is also easier for your partner to wonder what is going on. If used incorrectly, social media can build distrust between you two.

Social media can also have some positive results.

4. Social media

Social media can help you have communication throughout the day with your partner.It is beautiful when you go to lunch and you have a message from your partner. It brightens your day and makes you smile. Who doesn't enjoy that? In this way, you can let him or her know you are thinking of them. Without social media, you would not be able to communicate as easily.

5. Another positive result

Another positive result of social media in respect to your partner is that you can use social media to lift them up. What do I mean by that? Let's say you really appreciate your partner one day. You feel full of love for what they have done. You can say it on a social media site, and it makes them feel happy. For example, let's say you write a post and put a picture on social media. “I have a wonderful wife. Today, even though she didn't feel so good, she still took care of the kids, made a delicious dinner, and didn't complain one bit.” Why do people like posts like that? It makes them feel like some sort of hero. We all like attention or to be recognised for our positive qualities. Using social media in that way can lift someone up and have a positive result.

What can you do to right those negative results?

For the three negative results, here are three hints.

First of all, be open. Don't hide what you are doing or who you are talking to. That doesn't mean you should give out your password to your partner, but if you act sneaky, it will seem like more is going on than actually is.

Secondly, talk about any possible problems. Try to be sensitive to your partner if he or she is feeling upset by something. Communication is always key.

Lastly, limit your use. Although social media has its positives, it can definitely be useful, nothing is worth hurting the relationship you share with your partner. Be conscious of how much time you spend and try to put it away before you go to sleep to spend even just a few moments solely focusing on your partner.

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